panic attack poetry (pt 2)

Waiting to speak
Ask me to agree
Or disagree
Let me chime in so that you can talk over
Do not make me feel included
I am always
Always
Always
always always always always
always always always always always
ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS
alone
and it really isn’t anyone’s fault
but my own

Your eyes might never read this
But even if they do
They still might never see this
I don’t think you understand
I don’t think anyone is strong enough to pull me up and out
Talk over me
Ripping
Smoke
Happiness
Do you remember when
I tried to quit smoking on our road trip?
I was so afraid of losing my voice
When truth be told
I have hardly ever had one at all
Stumble over
The smoke settles –
What’s happening?
Love me.
Am I reliving my last life?
Are my thoughts aliens
Looking through my eyes?
Is this a fake?
What words will come out before I realize what I’m saying?

Let this be a good omen
The red bird halts
The summertime leads
Sun fragments
Light shards
We blew up G2V
Tell me the story, hands
I promise I won’t be scared
Listen to the ring
I am so scared.
Watch the numbers. 4. 6.
You’re doing great.
Heaven.
We are here.
This was a journey to find real love
Here
Here
Here
It isn’t possible to lose now
Take care
Treat better
Do what you need
Don’t bury a thing
Love
The music talks
The pattern spins
You asked god for this that day
He granted your wish

The worst panic attack of my life is almost over
I just had to feel it out.
I had to feel the hurt so I could move forward
I took the long road
And I’m sorry
Please forgive me
I didn’t mean to take so long
This lifetime’s trapped in mine
A bubble in a bubble
Do you see
Don’t be fooled

This is a secret.